A Different Kind of Job for a Different Kind of Caregiver
If you’re a nursing student, CNA or HHA, you’re probably used to a certain type of job.
Maybe you’re working in a hospital, running back and forth between patients, giving baths, cleaning up messes, and so on. Or maybe you’re used to working in a nursing facility or homecare, caring for the elderly and disabled, doing your best to increase their quality of life and make them as comfortable and healthy as you can.
Well, this job is none of those things. Not even close.
You see, I’m rather odd. I have such an advanced case of muscular dystrophy that I can move nothing but my face, and yet I’m the CEO of a company with employees around the world, I speak several languages, and I pay out-of-pocket for round-the-clock nursing care.
The simplest explanation: I’m a genius. It’s both a gift and a curse, and I would be doing you a disservice if I didn’t admit working with me is a little unusual.
A Glimpse into My Strange Life
One day, I might decide I want to go out and look at new condominiums or houses, get fitted for a new suit, or sample a gourmet restaurant. You’ll need to keep up with me and be dressed for the part.
Another day, I might be totally engrossed in my work and hardly say a word to you. You’ll need to check around to make sure I have food prepared, clean clothes, and everything else I need without any prompting from me.
Another day, I might decide to tear apart and rebuild a computer, test out motion sensing eyebrow switches, or research the amperage and wattage of my wheelchair battery so I can turn it into a mobile charging station. You’ll need to follow my directions, probably scared to death the entire time of blowing something up.
(Sidenote: I’ve never blown anything up. All my past caregivers are alive and well, none of them missing any arms or limbs, although many have quite a few entertaining stories.)
The bottom line?
No One Is Qualified for This Job.
Reading through this, you might be thinking…
“I’ve never done anything like this. He would never hire me.”
But you’re wrong. Here’s why: No one has done anything like this. There is no possible way for you to be totally prepared for this job.
If have the right personality and attitude, I can teach you the rest. Assuming you’re the right fit, of course.
The People Who Work Best with Me Are…
Over the years, I’ve noticed my best caregivers have a collection of five traits:
- Pleasant. Let’s face it, we’re going to be spending a lot of time together. If you’re in a bad mood, you can’t get away from me, and I can’t get away from you. So, in general, you need to have a pretty sunny disposition.
- Laid-back. Most of my life is pretty relaxed. If you have an intense or high strung personality, you’ll be absolutely bored to tears around me.
- Adaptable. You should be able to solve problems on your own, pick up new skills, and adapt to whatever bizarre situation I put you in.
- Healthy. You need to be in pretty good health and have a decent amount of stamina just to keep up with me.
- Tidy. If you’re a bit of a neat freak, and things being dirty or a messy bother you, you’ll fit right in.
Oh, and you need to have some experience as a caregiver, even if it’s for a child or family member. Let’s face it, not everyone is cut out for giving bed baths or washing out urinals, and that’s part of the job.
That’s not all it is, though. Let’s talk about what you’ll be doing:
A Short, Incomplete List of Your Responsibilities
This isn’t your normal caregiving job.
Yes, it includes a lot of the same responsibilities, but the pace and setting are a lot different. For instance, I might go to Happy Hour at the Four Seasons, speak at a conference with 1,000 attendees, have you set up a candlelit dinner for me and a girl I’m dating, spend the day shooting videos that will be watched by millions of people, or any number of things.
You’ll be with me, acting as my caregiver, and you’ll be responsible for…
- Driving me to where I need to go. I have a minivan with an automatic ramp and tie downs where the passenger seat normally goes. You’ll need to be able to use a GPS for both directions and to avoid traffic.
- Assist with bathing, personal hygiene, using the restroom, and other private details. No lifting required.
- Stretch my hands, arms, and legs. Sitting all the time, I can get quite sore, and it helps to do a bit of stretching every day. I’ll have one of my other caregivers show you how.
- Remind me to drink water throughout the day. I get so wrapped up in what I’m doing I often forget and get dehydrated.
- Wash, iron, and organize my wardrobe. There’s nothing too extravagant or hard to take care of. Just a matter of doing laundry, mostly.
- Cook me stuff. I always like to have at least two healthy and delicious meals prepared and in the refrigerator for me to eat. You’ll need to be good at following recipes.
In general, though?
Be my hands and feet.
Because I’m unable to move, I’ll ask you to do anything I would normally do myself. My caregivers have helped me build computers from scratch, drive across the United States (twice), use chemistry to test the caffeine content of sodas, speak in front of thousands of people, and cook rocket fuel on the kitchen stove.
For the record, that last one was a bad idea, but I was a teenager. I’ve wised up since then.
The Hiring Process: 5 Steps to Getting the Job
Here’s what to expect:
- Submit Your Application: After reading through everything on this site, head over to the application and fill it out. I’ll ask you a bunch of pointed questions, and by the time you’re finished answering, you’ll probably know whether this job is a good fit for you or not.
- Phone interview with our recruiter (following this interview, you may be asked to fill out an application for the specific caregiver position you’re interested in)
- In-Person Interview: If you get past minors, we’ll then schedule a time to come hang out in person. Don’t worry, this won’t be a stodgy old-style interview where I ask you about your favorite colors and whatnot. Mostly, I just want to get to know you.
- Tryouts: By this point, I’ll have narrowed down to probably 3-5 applicants, and I’ll want to work with each of you for a day or two. You’ll come in and spend the entire day with me, doing all the work you would if you get the job. I’ll pay you for the day, of course.
- Background Check: Here, I’ll make the final decision on who to hire, and if I choose you, I’ll let you know and we’ll start the background check process. I’ll talk to your past employers, go through your driving record, verify you have no criminal history anywhere in the world, and in general, do an extremely thorough background check.
Ready to Submit Your Application?
When you click the button below, you’ll be taken to the application. It’s 27 questions and will probably take you 15-30 minutes to complete.
Jenny will look over the application and send you an email letting you know if you made it to the next stage of the process.
To start your application, click the button below: